there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
