The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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