I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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