mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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