my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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