I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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