I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
