you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Hippo gnu deer
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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