I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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