Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
