why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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