the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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