just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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