I want to make a zoo with you.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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