He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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