just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
