just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
