why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
