So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Sober January is a disaster.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
