I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
