And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
