I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
