Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
