I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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