Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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