textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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