Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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