if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
