i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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