dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
