Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
