I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
