It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
