well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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