somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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