Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
