My friends, they love my intelligence
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
