I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
