I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Help me help you realize you are a moron
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
