every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
