Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
