I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
