In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
