First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
we're so committed to being not committed
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
