hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
