1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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