why didn't you poke me back
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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