I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
