Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
