I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
is that a dick in a sweater?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
