u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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